


Confused

by akane42me



Category: Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-23
Updated: 2011-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-20 16:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akane42me/pseuds/akane42me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An uncooperative Illya is forced to take R & R leave and learns a lesson about accepting help - from an unexpected source.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confused

**Author's Note:**

> Written in May, 2006 for a mfuwss beta challenge.

CONFUSED

Mr. Anderson is letting that weird man stay at his cottage. 

The other day I was outside and Mr. Anderson's car went by way faster than you're supposed to, then another car with two guys in it went by right behind him. If I run really quick through the trees I can beat Mr. Anderson to his cottage, but I was too slow. Mama says I shouldn't pester Mr. Anderson, but he doesn't mind if I go over sometimes and say hi to him. 

Mr. Anderson was already inside, so I hid behind the big pine tree to see who was in that other car. The man driving had to help the other guy get out. The driver had dark hair like my dad, and the other one had longer, blonde hair. I recognized them. They came here this summer for a cook-out with some guys from my dad's work. Everybody went water skiing, but this one man with long hair sat around and read a book. That is just plain weird. 

That's who the other guy in the car was. The weirdo. I think he was asleep because his eyes were shut. The man driving was mean. He called the other man Idiot.   
Mr. Anderson came out and helped get the weird man into the cottage, and the mean man drove away. My dad came walking through the woods between the cottages and told me to get home. He went in by Mr. Anderson. 

There's a really steep hill on the side of Mr. Anderson's cottage. It's full of little trees and brush, and if I go there I can see in his side window, right into the living room and kitchen. It's really all one big room. 

The weird man was laying on the couch, all covered up. He didn't move. 

* * *

Today he was still laying on the couch, still not moving. There was a dish pan and towels and a bar of soap on the coffee table. I watched Mr. Anderson put everything away and then he sat down in the rocking chair and looked at the lake. I left. It was boring.

* * *

The weird man was sitting up today. He had a book next to him on the couch, but he wasn't reading it. He was looking at the lake. It's been three days and they haven't come outside. Nobody can look at a lake for that long.

* * *

The mean man came back this morning. He brought a suitcase and a box with some books and records in it. He helped the weird man come out on the porch. They went about as slow as a turtle. They sat on the porch swing. I had to sit still like a squirrel, down by Mr. Anderson's woodpile. The mean man had some papers and was writing things down. He said something about somebody getting killed from a bomb. I got a sick stomach and I ran home. I wonder if there's going to be an atom bomb here. 

Later, the mean man came over to our cottage and talked real quiet with my dad in the kitchen. I got out of there and went down to our dock. I was skipping rocks for a while and the mean man came out by me. 

He said I have a good arm and acted all nice, but I wouldn't talk to him. After a while he said his friend was going to stay at Mr. Anderson's for a few days. 

I said well you aren't a very good friend. I heard you call him a idiot when he couldn't even get out of the car. 

First he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. Then all of a sudden he smiled and said aaah, it does sound like idiot. Then he started saying something else about how it's a name but I just walked away. What a liar. 

Mama said if she hears I was over there again she is going to give me a spanking with the wooden spoon even if I am eight and that is way too old to be spanked. 

She won't catch me.

* * *

He fell down today. He tried to go outside by himself. He was hanging onto the doorway, but he slid down and fell onto the porch. He tried to get up, but he couldn't. He was yelling like my dad does when he gets mad, but I couldn't understand one word he was saying. It was all mixed up or something. Mr. Anderson came running out and helped him get back inside. Then Mr. Anderson did a lot of yelling. If you sit under the front window when it's open you can hear everything.

I found out his name. It's Mr. Curiosity. If that isn't the weirdest name I ever heard I don't know what is. I heard Mr. Anderson talking to the long distance lady. He said he wanted to call Mr. Curiosity's uncle in New York City. 

A while later a doctor came out to Mr. Anderson's cottage. I could tell he was a doctor because he had a black doctor's bag just like my toy one. Mr. Curiosity and the doctor were fighting. Their voices went up and down, like when mom and dad have a discussion in the bedroom with the door shut. 

* * *

This afternoon Mr. Anderson helped Mr. Curiosity walk to the end of the dock. Mr. Curiosity was mad and pulled his arm away from Mr. Anderson and yelled at him.

Mr. Anderson flapped his arms in the air and walked away, and then he did something very bad. He stuck his middle finger up in the air. You get kicked out of school for doing that. 

Mr. Curiosity sat out there fishing for two hours. He didn't even have any bait. He sat there with the line in the water and stared out at the water. I have never seen people stare at the water so much. He must be from the city. 

Afterward, Mr. Anderson helped him walk back up to the cottage, and they didn't say a word to each other. Mr. Curiosity stayed outside on the porch swing and read a book. He kept falling asleep. I don't know how anyone can read with the weird music he had on. When my mom plays it on the radio, my dad changes the station. 

The mean man drove in after supper. His name is Mr. S. I heard Mr. Anderson say it. Mr. Anderson stayed out on the porch and Mr. S went inside and yelled. He yelled Enough! and One week! 

Then Mr. Curiosity yelled too, like when he fell. Then he said he didn't need a vacation. Who would get mad about getting a vacation? What a weirdo.

After supper Mr. Curiosity and Mr. S went out on the dock and watched the sunset. Mr. Curiosity had a cane. 

* * *

This morning I was sitting beside the porch when a pine cone plopped in the dirt by me. I thought it fell out of a tree, but then it happened again. I looked around, and Mr. Curiosity was standing there, looking right at me. He was holding a pine cone. He had the weirdest little smile on his face. I was going to run away, but he talked to me. 

He said hello, it's about time we met. He told me his name is Mr. K. 

I started to tell him that was wrong, but all of a sudden I thought of Grandpa, and so I didn't say anything. It's like what happened to Grandpa Phil. Grandpa doesn't know his name. He walks real slow, and he can't say his words right. Mama says Grandpa Phil gets confused. 

I think I know what's wrong with Mr. Curiosity. I think he's confused. 

He said he was going out to fish, if I wanted to come too. I ran home and got my pole and my tackle box and a slice of bread. He was already down at the dock and had his line out. He watched me make dough balls for bait, and I said it was for both of us. He didn't want any. 

I said well you sure aren't going to catch any fish that way. He told me he was fishing for something else. I thought about it for a while then I asked what. 

He said it's something I lost a long time ago. Every so often I try to find it. 

I said what, you lost something in our lake? But he said no, what I am looking for isn't in the lake. See what I mean about him being confused?

* * *

Mr. Curiosity yelled at my dad and Mr. Anderson today. He was mad because they wouldn't let him go into town. He said he is feeling fine. He called my dad and Mr. Anderson a couple of sex in three thugs. Mr. Anderson called him a sex in two hot dog. Mama better not find out they said s-e-x. That is big trouble.

I don't care if he is confused. He shouldn't call my dad names.  
I threw his fishing pole off the end of the dock.

* * *

Later he came though the woods and walked over to my hideout. It's under the pine tree where the branches come all the way to the ground. It's like being under a huge umbrella. I sat real quiet so he would go away, but he crawled in and sat down next to me and didn't say anything. 

I stared straight ahead for a long time, and then I took a quick look at him. He was looking at my shoes. I put my hands on top of the knots because I am embarrassed about that. Then he looked at me and said do you know where my fishing pole is? 

I got that twisty feeling in my stomach like when Mama catches me doing something I shouldn't be doing. Mama says to tell the truth or I will be in worse trouble for lying. 

So I said yes, it's in the water. 

He said I believe you owe me an explanation. 

I looked down and wiggled one of the knots. I thought I was going to cry so I acted like I was busy fixing my shoe. 

He said may I help you with that? He said he's pretty good at untying knots, and he reached over and started to pick it apart. 

My face got hot. I could feel it, and I knew it was turning red. They make fun of me at school. I'm the only one who can't tie my shoes in a bow. So I kicked him. I yelled at him leave it alone, I can do it myself! 

He stopped and put his hands back on his knees. I tried not to cry but it only worked part way. He talked so quiet you could hardly hear it. He said you should not be angry at people who try to help you. 

Mama says not to talk back, but I couldn't help it. I said look who's talking! You yell at everybody all the time, you big fat smelly sex in two hot dog! 

Mr. Curiosity's face got all scrunched up. He put his hand over his mouth and coughed.  
He made a stop sign with his other hand and he said section, it is section two. He kept his hand over his mouth and coughed some more. Then he smiled so I said it's not funny. He stopped smiling and looked very serious. 

Mr. Curiosity told me about what a section is, and it's not about s-e-x. I felt pretty bad about throwing his fishing pole in the water. Until I asked what a thug is. I told him I was sorry anyway.

* * *

After supper I was digging a big hole in the yard to catch frogs, and Mr. Curiosity came over and watched. I had to haul water up from the lake to dump in the hole. Frogs love holes with wet mud in the bottom. He asked if I wanted help so I said sure. 

He asked why don't you go into the long grass where the frogs are and pick them up. 

I told him no, if you make a lot of noise, they hop away. But if you give them something they like, they come to you. 

We were half way down to the water and all of a sudden he said he had to make a phone call. He just put his bucket down and walked away. 

What a weirdo.

* * *

Mr. S came back again tonight. He had two brown bags, and they made clinking sounds. I knew what that meant. A grown up party. Sure enough, my dad went over there and they all went down by the campfire. They were quiet for a while, but then they started talking a lot. They are getting kind of loud. Mr. Curiosity sang a song and got his words all wrong again. They are laughing now. I can hear it all the way over here in my bedroom. 

* * *

I thought today would be a good day, but today was a very bad day. He has a gun. I saw it. I was watching him when I was playing down by the woodpile. He was taking a nap on the couch and he sat up fast and was holding a gun. I know he's from my dad's work, but I don't think he can be a very good security guard. He doesn't know the first thing about gun safety rules. I think I'm going to stay home for a while.

* * *

I didn't go over there yesterday. Mama gave me some jobs. She does that when I can't find anything to do. Nothing I did was any fun. Mama made me lay down after lunch. 

She made cookies and brought some over to Mr. Anderson's cottage. She peeked in my room and asked if I wanted to go with her, but I pretended I was still sleeping. 

Today I went swimming. I saw Mr. Curiosity over on the swing. He waved to me. When I was getting out of the water, he waved again. So I walked up there and sat by him. 

He said he missed seeing me yesterday. I didn't say anything at first. I could still see him pointing that gun at the woodpile. My stomach felt bad and I said I had to go home. He asked what was wrong. 

I didn't want to lie, so I told him. I said you shouldn't keep a gun on the couch. It's dangerous. Somebody could have a accident. 

He asked have you been inside the cottage. 

I told him about seeing him with the gun. I said there is nothing to be afraid of, you shouldn't be so scared. I thought I probably hurt his feelings because he watched the water for so long. I was glad when he started talking again. 

He said that I'm a very good swimmer. 

I said well you should be if you live by a lake. 

He said do you know about a lifeguard, he keeps a lifesaver ring with him, do you think he is afraid of drowning? 

I said of course not. It's to help the other people.

He said that's why he has a gun. Even if there is nothing to be afraid of, he keeps it ready just in case, like a lifeguard. 

I said he shouldn't have to be a security guard at the cottage. It isn't fair, he's on vacation. 

I'm afraid my little vacation is nearly over, he said. He is going back tomorrow. 

I told him if he'd tell me what he lost I could keep looking around for it. 

He smiled and said that's okay, he wasn't looking any more. He put his arm around my shoulder and said thank you for helping me. 

I said you're welcome just to be polite, because I really didn't find anything. 

* * *

He came over to say goodbye to Mama and Dad today. I was in my room. I was looking out my window at the water. If you squeeze your eyes almost shut the water has dark wiggly lines on top. I wonder if grown ups know how to do that. 

After a while he knocked on my door and came in. He looked different. His beard was shaved off. His hair was combed pretty good too. He said it was a pleasure meeting you, my friend. He shook my hand. 

I said good bye Mr. Curiosity. He got this funny look on his face, and said I beg your pardon. I said I know your real name, it's Mr. Curiosity. He got an even funnier look on his face and said I'm afraid you are a little confused. 

He thinks I'm confused? What a weirdo.

 

THE END


End file.
